Uncosumed

 Death will tell.

I don’t doubt, sometimes,

that I may not make it,

among the chosen ones,

the steadfast, 

the unwavering,

the ones who stood firm against sin.

But still, I try.

And my trying will only cease

the day He has fated my end.

Perhaps by then,

I will have earned my passage

to the joys and everlastings of His promise.

I still hope.

I still see the possibility.

I still long to be part of that eventuality,

in the land where milk and honey flow.

 Black and White.

There’s nothing to be pressured about.

The chance of dying

without ever tasting

what you crave

is real,

and alive,

breathing down your neck.

And no amount of pressure

will ever change that.

                                                 Image by Shima Abedinzade from Pixabay

The kids want to be

writers and painters,

but by 22, as they pass

car dealerships,

watch movies with perfect, slim women,

and step over men picking up scrap metal

just to buy a cup of coffee,

things change.

All they want now

is to survive,

to sit in cars

with models

from the movies 

they watched last night .

They choose that kind of win 

and its understandable.

                                                                image from pixabay

 Satan Whispers all the time.

Satan whispers. 

Sometimes, my thoughts tangle me up,

is this earth just a war

between God and the gods,

a battle for who claims the most souls in the end?

But then I tell myself,

I’d rather be among those

where Jesus is the Son,

God is the Father,

and the Holy Spirit walks beside me.

That is where I fight to belong.

 The Brahmin who crossed oceans in search for love.

The fate of love keeps my wait warm,

knowing that I will find you,

love you,

and show this world that

deep within me,

there was always love waiting

to break free.

Untitled.

The whole world isn’t mine, true,

but my world, 

my world is mine.

InsightPhotography from Pixabay

H e decided.

 Their easy way, My hard way.

But it’s been hard
to let them know
that all I need now
is not
Lethargy,
or
Trazodone,
or
Sertraline.

I need a heart
that can beat when
mine is trembling,
a face that can smile
when mine is sad-locked,
and a person
who can accept that
I am in a dangerous mood.

 Daddy's sad girl, curiosito.

And I felt it—
the weight that kept me in bed,
a heavy stone on my back.

My mom had paid
hefty fees for private school,
but even that couldn’t make me smile—
or, to say it right,
help me understand myself.

Worse, my dad loved me,
but even with what others yearned for,
I was no happier than them.

So, in my bed, I realized—
I had to find myself,
to accept myself,
to love myself first,
before the other loves
could truly reach me.

And maybe then,
I could pursue the happiness I wanted.
As hard as it might be,
the stars had assured me—
it was a hopeful gamble, maybe.

LAUGHING AT THE ODDS.

We shall die 

but not this night.

This night is us 

on a bed 

in a rose garden 

looking at the stars 

laughing at the 

odds 

that had thought 

we couldn't meet 

and love 

and laugh 

and last.

TURNING POINT.

War has come.

Where is my artillery?

We have failed,

drastically,

to reach a truce with life.

So now,

let the war begin.

I am not afraid.

 The Woman You Wanted Me to Be.

When I think back now,

I see how you abused me,

without pulling my hair,

without slamming my head against walls,

without forcing yourself on me.

But you broke me all the same.

You compared me to other women,

made me wear your favorite color

red when I hated it most

and

ordered me to paint my lips

for every walk i had

beside you.

Now that I remember,

I never lived freely with you.

It was exhausting,

it was toxic Fred.

We shall overcome,

the brutality of life

 In this Lent,

a period of reflection,

a time for self-understanding,

a space for self-love.

But 

most importantly,

a moment to recognize

that the Lord has been by our side

and always will be,

as long as we allow Him to be.

For

His will was never to impose 

Himself upon us,

but for us to freely understand,

and fall in love with

His ways,

His guidance,

and His honest planning.

 You will beat the odds little soul, you will